​I already knew this blog post was going to be more personal than the other ones. It’s not surprising… I guess staying at home gives us the space to drive inwards, to walk inside if we can’t walk outside. Or at least this is how I perceive it. During these four weeks I’ve been navigating through all nuances of emotional states, from grief to resilience, from creative flow to profound apathy, from deep enjoyment of self time and introversion to a strong yearning for human connection, from hope for creating healthy sustainable communities to insecurity regarding the personal and collective future.
I am bringing to you one poem I wrote, one day at the beginning of the quarantine, when I was enjoying the warm sun on the building rooftop, our only connection with nature during this time. I will let the poem speak to you, and below I will explain the meanings behind those words and how they are connected to the moment we are living.
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A personal story

The significance of this poem, as the title also suggests, is the journey from grief to blossoms, the process of acceptance of the life cycle, when facing situations when we cannot control things. The theme of grief was very present in those days for me. In the first day when the quarantine started in the south of Italy, my beloved grandfather passed away. The event brought feelings of sadness and pain of a sort never experienced before. It was the first time when I really faced the death of a beloved. I couldn’t go home to my family in Romania because of travel restrictions and couldn’t say goodbye. But the situation was not beyond my control. When dealing with death, you realize how little you can actually do. I asked myself what I can do with those wounds and eventually I put them into songs, poems and written expressions of gratitude. I was trying to embrace and transform those feelings through art and meditation. With the loss of a dear one and the current isolation situation, I started to reflect about acceptance of what is, the cycle of life. It’s not easy, everything inside you wants to resist to things, although you know deep down you can’t actually change them.

And in that moment, under the rays of the sun, when I wrote the poem, I felt a weird blend of grief and resilience, like I was finally starting to slowly accept. I felt a glimpse of guilt there as well, like there was a part of me feeling bad for allowing myself to heal from those wounds, a voice telling me that I don’t have access to anything but sadness. Yet there was a contrary feeling as well, the gratitude blossoming inside like a little flower blossoming from concrete on an ounce of soil. In that moment I was inspired to write a poem, but I had no pen or paper, so I had to write it in the back of my mind.

The first verses reflect the real scene of that moment through my sensations: the caress of the mild wind blowing, the sun warming up my skin, the beginning of a new day. With the coming of the day, the fear, dark thoughts, solitude, agony and melancholia from the night were slowly going, living space for the softer feelings of the day. And just as I was wondering what the next verse could be, I heard a hummingbird singing somewhere close, as a sign of hope that there is something there, a form of life, chanting. And with the chant, acceptance was ever more present inside and I got this message, that life unfolds, that everything comes and goes, that it’s the way things are, that I cannot control, but can only accept, trust, express my gratitude to all it was and is to be. Something in me felt still in the process of healing, weeping silently. But along with that there was something blossoming as well. I thought of a snowdrop, the white flower symbolizing spring, but in my personal story also a symbol of my childhood, my home, my roots, a place where I was returning often during those days.


A collective story

Although this poem has so many meanings coming from my personal experience, it can be connected with the collective situation we are living. Like the loss of a beloved one, it’s a situation where we don’t have control over things and an invitation to cultivate acceptance and reflect. Grief, in this case, is manifested in a longing for health and peace, longing for moving outside freely, for connecting with nature and with other humans; or maybe it’s manifested in feelings of pain when witnessing inner and outer struggles of this crisis, dealing with the loss of certainty or stability, or of things we were relying on that we took for granted. Certain systems of values are now shaking; questions are raised about the sustainability of our forms of leaving (financial systems based on having to “earn your bread”, urban structures, functionality of public services, strong hierarchies when it comes to jobs, with the most significant jobs in a crisis situation normally being rated as “low standard”).

I can’t help but wonder, in a situation of crisis, what is it that stays really in our hands to do? What is in the sphere of our control and what is out of it? When it comes to things we can’t control - like decisions of the government, how others feel or react, time of this quarantine, available products in the supermarket – we are not able to influence them. However, they occupy our mind. But focusing on these worries will not help us effectively change things. Here comes the invitation to cultivate acceptance and resilience, to take time to reflect on how can our life be more sustainable, to focus of the essential things that can we can do our collective and individual good.

When it comes to our sphere of control, we can think about the things that we can do to support our physical, emotional and mental well-being. This can involve decisions of what to shift the attention towards, how to take care of ourselves and welcome every emotion and sensation, what activities can bring us relief and joy, how we can connect with others, how we can support the community in the given circumstance. We have the time to observe ourselves with kindness, to give time for our longings. Many times, although it’s easy to say we can choose our reactions and focus points, it might feel like even that goes out of control. What I am learning is to accept even when that occurs. To be kind and not judge the things that emerge, like unexpected emotional reactions, sensitivity towards certain things. Although it’s not an easy lesson, it brings every time more liberation. I experience it on my own skin and it’s a tough lesson for my ever-protective inner critic who sends thunders of guilt down my spine whenever I overreact to something.

But just like in the poem, with the acceptance of the wounds and the unfolding of things, something inside of us can blossom in this inner journey.
Just as you, I don’t know what collective changes this situation will bring. But I have a feeling it’s an invitation for a necessary inner journey for us all. It’s a moment when we can stop and reflect, learn to accept and develop resilience inside ourselves.

It’s a period of the year when I am returning into myself, a time for introspection, reflection and understanding. This month’s post kind of fits this mood. I am going to share with you some reflections on the practices that create transformation into my life and that are an integral part of the Vulcanicamente philosophy: meditation and mindfulness.
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A moment of silence… One moment in a day when the noise of the outer world stops and I return to the inner world, just letting it be, becoming an observer of what is there; celebrating this moment of silence, breathing deeply and letting go of everything that doesn’t serve me; arriving into the space where I lay or sit, observing it with its sounds, colors, smells, energy. Shifting my attention to the breath, observing where it stops, observing the changes that take place in my body; simply being, being there with no result to be achieved, with no expectation, but rather with a gentle intention to offer this gift of silence when I need it; observing the thoughts that come in the mind, observing how fast they come sometimes, jumping from one topic to the other in an unstoppable frenzy, many times charged with judgment too,  and being aware that now is the time to let them go like clouds; noticing the emotions present, recognizing them, accepting that they are there; trying not to judge them; remembering that we are not a thought, or an emotion, and that those are just visitors that come and go. And allowing myself to do nothing and simply be in the present moment.

I am at the beginning of a journey full of growth, learning, awareness, light and compassion. And I am deeply grateful for the opportunity that Vulcanicamente gave me to get closer to meditation practices, so that now I can find different ways to cultivate them. The nice thing is that I don’t do these practices only by myself: meditation and well-being practices are part of our weekly meetings; this is how we start the week. They are an essential thematic approached during our youth projects, inspiring youngsters to be more connected with themselves and nature. Gathering to meditate or do mindfulness practices together creates a deep feeling of community between us. Maybe one day through one of our activities or workshops you will have the chance to be part of it too and experience this blissful feeling on your own skin  Until then, I leave you with an invitation to allow the time and space for yourself, for whatever brings you inner peace and helps your mind to take a rest, for whatever brings you back to the present moment.   Namaste!

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.. My   life as a volunteer 

Most people wonder what it is or how to be a volunteer. 
My adventure starts from Cyprus which is a hot island, where the summer never ends. My journey was incredible, full of moments but from a second thought, I wanted to try something different, maybe that would make a difference, so I decided to be part of Erasmus+ organisation and  trying through our new generation to have a co-working with new people who really like what are doing  so … I apply through VulcanicaMente website
Italy… such a beautiful country! Well, of course being stressed because of my new life but enthusiastic, so in the evening of my arrival day I met the different  volunteers of this project, happy moments to meet people who think like you. It makes it easier.

Next day, we met with our coordinators, ‘Hanna, Sara and Jacopo’ time for work! Oh no wait we just arrived ..  just joking! After a few moments … They make an atmosphere suitable for all of us and ... I felt myself in a comfortable conversation, an introduction of who we are, what we do, what we want and how we can achieve goals..
By sharing moments, thoughts, food make our experience  smoothly, kind and in this environment is to feel lucky at least, especially when you are in a team like our with  Yasin, Epp and Karina.
My life in Italy particularly (Lecce) is full of surprises,  people are kind and willing to help, although their culture request a lot of time to discover and understand.

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​When I was going to the project, I was worried a lot that I would not have enough money for food. But the other EVS volunteer Jesus assured me that there would be no problems with food. So it turned out!
In the first month of the project I went through the school of Mr. Bradman “school of survival”. Matthew Bradman is my new friend in Lecce, he is a guy who moved to Lecce from England and who is carrying a lot about recycling and ecological style of life.
So I was introduced to the concept of bindipping. It turns out that there is a cafe near the office, which at the end of each working day throws out products that they have not sold. They kindly separate sweet and salty food in different packages, but sometimes you can find traces of coffee, but it does not matter. Usually there you can find calzoni and pizza still warm.
Also in Lecce there is a separate waste collection. Therefore, if you learn the schedule for collecting of the garbage, then on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays you can find products in the garbage cans of supermarkets with the expiry date of which is near. On our very first trip with Jesus, we found a year's reserve of coffee, various yogurts, cheeses, sausage, pasta and fruits.
Another important thing is our joint dinners in the office. Everyone brings something from home or some food found in the supermarkets’ cans and we prepare dinner together. So we have eaten often and in excellent company. Our Italian friends have often invited us to visit them for Sunday lunches. It is enough to bring something to the table, and home-made Sunday lasagna will melt in your mouth. And the collective process of cooking units a lot.
During the bike tour, the initiative organized by Vulcanicamente, the participants Jesus and Azzurro invented a new challenge for themselves. Do not spend on food a cent. How have they managed to figure it out? They simply started asking in the grocery stores if they could give them from food, and the sellers never refused to do so. Upon returning to Lecce, we made a trip around the nearby canteens and asked them to not throw away the leftover food at the end of the working day, but to give it to us, the poor European volunteers. So we solved the issue with the dinner. We ate different and various food.
Two rules that I understood thanks to my Italian friends, if you don’t ask, you won’t get an answer. If you do not try - you will not achieve the goal.

Future volunteer - a vast number of opportunities are open for you. Do not miss them.

In the open space of Manifatture knos in Lecce, various courses are held there from the theater to climbing, from dancing to fencing. Surely you will find something that you like. The first lesson is always for free, the next ones are for a small fee.
Collaborate with student organizations. There are a lot of them: Esn, Erasmus world. These organizations have contacts of all foreign students who come to study at Lecce University under the Erasmus program. They also organize a welcoming evening, events, trips to the beach, tours around the city, common dinners. Surely you will make friends there. They usually create the groups in Whatsapp to keep in touch where you can offer to meet in the city, go for a walk together. In general, you will definitely not be alone.
Language classes. Of course you will have an online language learning platform. You will get monthly notifications on your email about the scholarships and competitions. You can even win up to 500 euros if you actively learn a language.
http://volunteer-awards.eyca.org/
But if you prefer a language course with a native speaker, a classical method with a teacher, so you should go to the linguistic department of the university. They organize courses for foreign students, just fill in an online form on the website. The courses start in the beginning of each semester. In these courses you can meet students from all over the world: Japan, Tunisia, Brazil, Morocco. I also heard that Italian courses for migrants are organized in Lecce. But I don’t have more information because I didn’t go.
The lectures at the Italian universities are open to all. You can find the professor you are interested in and the subject on the university website, where you will find out in which classroom the lecture is held and to listen to it quietly. Nobody will tell you to go away. You can also visit the university library.
 If you are used to search for information in the Internet always, then I want to disappoint you. In Italy, you need to have useful contacts. After all, it’s the only way you will know where in the city you can find the best gelateria, pizzeria, cafeteria, barbershop. Not always on the Internet you can find even the schedule of the shop. Just ask all that interests you.